Monday, July 5, 2010

Try not to laugh while signing this contract...

2010 NBA Free Agency is upon us! The most hyped summer in league history is in full swing, or should I say at a complete halt waiting for LeBron James to make his decision? Nonetheless, we should know LBJ's next destination by the end of this week, and the dominos will fall into place shortly thereafter. Very expensive dominos in Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh, Amar'e Stoudemire & Carlos Boozer. Will Wade & Boozer team up in Chicago to battle LBJ & Stoudemire in New York? Or all this melarky could be for nought if James returns to Cleveland and Wade stays in South Beach. Bottom line: They're all gonna get paid, and they're all gonna be expected to produce huge numbers & ticket sales. The same was said for some of the guys on my list below. Unfortunately, logic wasn't a strong point for most of the General Managers who signed them. With that said, I now reveal the "Quasto Knows" 15 Worst NBA Free Agent Signings of all time! Don't feel bad for them. Every one of 'em could buy us all, literally.
15. Joe Johnson-Atlanta Hawks-6 years/$119 million-Yes I know he just signed this, and yes he's a 4 time all-star. But this signing means that Atlanta will just be good enough to compete for a solid playoff run, not a championship. Very good player, not a Max contract player. Besides, nobody goes to Hawks games anyway.
14. Erick Dampier-Dallas Mavericks-7 years/$73 million-He has been durable, and has played in just about every game since signing this...But a career average of 6 points & 7 boards a game must have him giggling like a school girl when he sees his bank account.
13. Gilbert Arenas-Washington Wizards-6 years/$111 million-$111 Million buys you a lot of guns. It doesn't buy you good judgement. Keep the glocks out of the locker room "Agent Zero".
12. Tim Thomas-Milwaukee Bucks-6 years/$67 million-Was a lazy underachiever his entire career even BEFORE he signed this deal. But at least he's still in the league, warming the pine for the Dallas Mavericks this past season.
11. Ben Wallace-Chicago Bulls-4 years/$60 million-Only played 2 lousy seasons with Da Bulls. Even George Wendt knew this was a horrible signing.
10. Amir Johnson-Toronto Raptors-5 years/$34 million-I could end up being wrong, but giving this kind of money to a guy who played 17 minutes a game last year just because Chris Bosh left? Let's see if he ever cracks 10 points a game.
9. Eddy Curry-New York Knicks-6 years/$60 million-Anybody wanna sign a guy who hates basketball & has a diagnosed heart problem? Ok Isiah Thomas, I see you're the only one raising your hand.
8. Anfernee "Penny" Hardaway-Phoenix Suns-7 years/$84 million-"Lil Penny" was worth this money. The human version with tons of injuries was not.
7. Jim Mcilvaine-Seattle Supersonics-7 years/$35 million-Big white stiff with an Ivan Drago haircut...well, maybe he was worth the money.
6. Raef LaFrentz-Dallas Mavericks-7 years/$70 million-Picture a slightly better version of Jim Mcilvaine with a girly jumpshot. Didn't even stay in the league long enough to finish the contract.
5. Elton Brand-Philadelphia 76ers-5 years/$80 million-He's a solid team guy, but the Sixers expected the 20/10 Elton Brand, not the 13/6 oft-injured Elton Brand. This signing has crushed any hopes of luring a decent free agent & made him virtually untradeable.
4. Darius Miles-Portland Trailblazers-6 years/$48 million-Missed almost half of the games during his 3 seasons with the Blazers due to injury. Then kept all his money when he made a strange comeback with Memphis 3 years later.
3. Vin Baker-Seattle Supersonics-7 years/$86 million-Was once one of the better Power Forwards in the league. Seattle should have done a psychiatric evaluation prior to signing this deal, as he was more committed to alcohol than basketball.
2. Jerome James-New York Knicks-5 years/$30 million-Another Isiah Thomas classic signing. An unathletic stiff coming off one good playoff series for the Sonics, and calling him a "Diamond in the rough" & giving him $30 mil. Never played more than 10 minutes a game for the Knickerbockers.
1. Austin Croshere-Indiana Pacers-7 years/$51 million-Some would say this is not the worst free agent signing ever. But for my money (and thank God it's not), he is. Just say his name out loud-Austin Croshere. Does that sound like a good basketball player to you? I think not.