Thursday, April 15, 2010
NBA Head Coach Firing Day is upon us!! Kim Hughes and Eddie Jordan were relieved of their duties just after they each coached their final regular season game. Hughes took over for the Los Angeles Clippers in mid-season and led a very bored & un-motivated team to an 8-25 record. Eddie Jordan was hired just before this season by the Philadelphia 76ers, and excitement & hope surrounding his Princeton Offense faded away quickly as they got off to a horrible start and never recovered. It became clear that hiring Eddie Jordan was a horrendous decision, with a roster that was not suited for a Princeton Offense nor knew anything about playing solid defense. Hughes was given a dumpster fire squad by the Clippers, and can't really be blamed for much of anything that happened towards the end of the season.
The question now is, which team has a better situation for a new coach? As shocked as I am to say this, it has to be the Clippers. Yes, the very same Clippers who always seem to have a black cloud dribbling rain over their heads. Their roster contains 9 free agents, so they can really pick and choose which players they'd even want back (which shouldn't be many). Their trade of Marcus Camby to Portland earlier this year freed up tons of salary cap space, so they're in position to make a run at a top tier free agent. Of course, after every top tier free agent giggles at the notion of signing with the Clips, they can then go after the next level of free agents, such as Memphis guard Rudy Gay. Not to mention, they're hopeful for a healthy return of Blake Griffin, the 2009 #1 overall pick who missed the entire season with a knee injury. If they go after an energetic, young coach (say hello Marc Jackson), the dark days of ClipperLand may see some sunlight before too long.
Now on to the slow, sparking trainwreck that is the Philadelphia 76ers Franchise. At this point, Sixer fans know it's going to be a long time before this team can even sniff a playoff series victory. Seeing Allen Iverson come back for that short lived run was the only highlight of the entire season, and even that ended in depressing fashion. Horrible signings, backing out of possible trades, & 3 head coaches in the past 4 seasons have all set this team back for years to come. GM Ed Stefanski has got to be near the top of the list of people in this country who shouldn't have their jobs. Signing Elton Brand to an $80 million deal is just the tip of the iceberg. They're still reeling from the decisions of their last GM, Billy King. Samuel Dalembert is grossly overpaid & has reached a ceiling to his potential, and their supposed "Franchise" player Andre Iguodala made a mere $12 million in a season full of bad shooting and not coming through in the clutch. All 3 of these players are locked in contracts that just about every team would never take on. Is there hope? Yes, a little. Rooke Jrue Holiday showed serious promise at the point guard position, and Sixer fans should not give up on Thaddeus Young. The kid is too athletic & is a smart enough player to succeed in this league. I've about had it with Louis Williams & Willie Green. They're one dimensional "numbers" guys who aren't ready to contribute to a winning team.
Who should they hire? Well, I'm gonna go the opposite route that I went with the Clippers. Instead of hiring young, they need a dictator who is going to force them to play "the right way". Emphasize solid defense that will lead to transition offense that fits their athletic squad. What coach could be better than good ole' Larry Brown?? Yes, I know he's 70 years-old and is about to lead the Charlotte Bobcats into the playoffs, but he loves to hint at leaving every team he's ever coached. His 6 seasons in Philly were the most consistent their team has been in years, and Sixer fans would welcome him back with open arms. To take it one step further with the old-school approach of coaching, let Larry Brown hire Hubie Brown AND Dr. Jack Ramsay to be his assistants, that way Larry will look like a spring chicken in comparison. Happy NBA Playoff Time everybody!!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
As the NBA season steams towards another excessively long playoff run, I'd like to let everyone know that the WNBA is still in existence. They even put the games on TV sometimes, usually around 3am right after the ShamWow infomercials. Even on Yahoo Sports, the WNBA is found in the "Other Sports" section, after Rugby and HighSchool. They League has been having attendance problems for years, which is about as surprising as the German dude from Inglorious Basterds winning all those awards (He was outstanding!!). Anyways, I've decided to help the friendly felines of roundball with some examples of how they can improve attendance. So, besides having men play, here are Quasto Know's 3 options to get butts in the seats at WNBA games.
1. Adopt a Pig night. If Paris Hilton can adopt an adorable baby pig, it's only a matter of time until it catches on with the rest of society, and the WNBA should seize this opportunity! They can dress up the piglets in the uniform of their choice, and they can even have Sarah Palin as their honorary guest as long as she brings her lipstick (yeah I went there). And if taking care of a pig is too daunting a task, they can have an "Adopt a Gary Busey" night.
2. Change the names of the teams. Sorry, but names like the San Antonio Silver Stars & the Phoenix Mercury just aren't feminine. Jazz it up a bit. I think it'd be much more exciting to go see the Connecticut Part-time Secretaries or better yet, the Indiana "Well if you don't know I'm not gonna tell You".
3. And perhaps the easiest way to attract viewers to the WNBA, rename it "The Jersey Shore". Let Snookie run the point and "The Situation" stroll the sidelines. At every game they can set up spray tanning booths & pharmacists from Tiajuana can sell steroids at a fair price. At halftime, go grab some pasta with meat sauce! After the game is when the real event begins, because the lights go out and the whole arena becomes a fist pumping rave party. That's a sure fire winner!!
These ideas can't be any worse than "Juwanna Mann" was for your publicity. You're wecome WNBA, you're welcome.