Monday, June 28, 2010

Time Well Spent...

Even though the World Cup is far from over, and other countries are bound to build up even more hatred for each other over the next few weeks (along with everyone already loathing France), the United States is done, and so are the chances of me actually tuning in to watch.
Granted, I only watched about 3 minutes total of the World Cup thus far, and during those 3 minutes, Ghana scored their game winning goal against the US, so allow me to apologize to my country for being the bad luck charm.
With that said, I do appreciate all sports, and I played soccer as a fat kid in Pennsylvania (mostly Goalie, for obvious reasons). And now that I think about it, I totally could have played the goalie in "The Mighty Ducks", if I was only chasing the dream back then, dammit!
But I digress. I completely understand that there are rabid soccer fans out there, and every 4 years, their lives revolve around putting on shin guards and screaming at a TV every morning while giving themselves an excuse to be buzzed by 10am. I think Soccer is a fantastic game, but I have no interest in watching it, so I can only give my view of the World Cup. I have friends who put everything on the shelf to see these matches, but I got shit to do. With that said, here is a "Quasto Knows" list of all the things I accomplished instead of watching the 2010 World Cup:
1. Slept past 4:30am
2. Slept past 7:30am
3. Re-discovered my long lost relationship with Life Cereal
4. Facebooked
5. Got home after 2 am on many nights, knowing I wasn't going to be waking up to watch the World Cup
6. Told jokes on stage, making no references to who was winning World Cup games
7. Found a bunch of old mix cd's from 8-10 years ago. Enjoying them thoroughly
8. Got a new Cell Phone & switched from Verizon to T-Mobile
9. Hung out with Rowdy Roddy Piper & gave him advice on which pillow to buy to relieve neck pain
10. Used my TIVO space to record many other things besides World Cup games
11. Bought a new V-neck t-shirt
12. Told myself I'd stop putting my comedy show schedule on Myspace. Too unreliable
13. Decided that I hated Cameron Diaz even more after seeing the commercial for "Knight & Day"
14. Got a haircut
15. Watched the NBA Draft, because that's a sport with it's priorities in order (average 5 points a game, make millions)
16. Watched Telemundo for the right reasons (Latinas with massive boobies)
17. Thought about what bullshit it was that I never got chosen to my Youth League Soccer All-star team as a Goalie. Hmm, could that explain my complete disinterest in the World Cup? Perhaps I'll revisit this theory in 4 years. Happy Futbol everyone!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Wanna see my ring??

Every NBA team must suit up 12 players for every game, including the playoffs. Out of those 12 players, most NBA teams generally only use 8-9 players in their rotation. At season's end, 1 NBA team is crowned as the Champions, meaning that a few players on that team had little to do with winning the title, yet still have the fortune of getting laid easier than most guys, because of the gigantic, fancypants NBA Championship ring they can show off to drunk girls at clubs that they didn't have to wait in line to get into.
I'm certainly not hating on guys that sit on the end of the bench. That's all I did in college and I had a blast!! I played on a mediocre Division II team at the University of the Sciences in Philadelphia, and some of my best memories were knowing I wouldn't have to take off my warmup jersey all game & I would end up burning more calories by talking shit to opposing players than I would by actually playing basketball that night.
With that said, here are my favorite NBA Champions of the past decade. It's quite that possible you've never heard of them, and most are long gone from the NBA. But they do have the bling to show off to the world. Ya can't ask for a better conversation starter, or a last resort in case they go bankrupt and need something to pawn off. Without further ado, here are the Quasto Knows Top 11 NBA Champions of the past decade! Why 11? Because you can't put a limit on excellence.
11. Mengke Bateer -2003 San Antonio Spurs. Who? Exactly.
10. Mike Penberthy - 2002 Los Angeles Lakers. Any guy who goes undrafted from an NAIA school deserves a damn ring.
9. Darvin Ham - 2004 Detroit Pistons. Narrowly beat out Darko Milicic for this spot. Mainly because his last name is Ham
8. Michael Doleac - 2006 Miami Heat. Big, white & kinda goofy looking. That ring comes in really handy for him.
7. Joe Crispin - 2002 Los Angeles Lakers. Deadly shooter from Penn State, but only 6 feet tall. Long gone & playing in Italy.
6. Jackie Butler - 2007 San Antonio Spurs. Who practically stole a ring from the 2007 Spurs? The Butler did it.
5. DJ Mbenga - 2009 & 2010 Los Angeles Lakers. He may not ever play, but he's always ready to spin on the 1's & 2's
4. Melvin Ely - 2007 San Antonio Spurs. Played in only 6, yes count them, 6 games for the Spurs!! Still got a ring though
3. Adam Morrison - 2009 & 2010 Los Angeles Lakers. 3rd overall pick & is already a proven bust with 2 rings & a great 'stache
2. Brian Scalabrine - 2008 Boston Celtics. The guy loves the bench so much, he literally can be seen giggling when he gets into a game.
1. Mark Madsen - 2001 & 2002 Los Angeles Lakers. See the picture above & watch the YouTube vidoes of him dancing. Enough said.