Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Catchin' the WNBA Fever...

As the NBA season steams towards another excessively long playoff run, I'd like to let everyone know that the WNBA is still in existence. They even put the games on TV sometimes, usually around 3am right after the ShamWow infomercials. Even on Yahoo Sports, the WNBA is found in the "Other Sports" section, after Rugby and HighSchool. They League has been having attendance problems for years, which is about as surprising as the German dude from Inglorious Basterds winning all those awards (He was outstanding!!). Anyways, I've decided to help the friendly felines of roundball with some examples of how they can improve attendance. So, besides having men play, here are Quasto Know's 3 options to get butts in the seats at WNBA games.
1. Adopt a Pig night. If Paris Hilton can adopt an adorable baby pig, it's only a matter of time until it catches on with the rest of society, and the WNBA should seize this opportunity! They can dress up the piglets in the uniform of their choice, and they can even have Sarah Palin as their honorary guest as long as she brings her lipstick (yeah I went there). And if taking care of a pig is too daunting a task, they can have an "Adopt a Gary Busey" night.
2. Change the names of the teams. Sorry, but names like the San Antonio Silver Stars & the Phoenix Mercury just aren't feminine. Jazz it up a bit. I think it'd be much more exciting to go see the Connecticut Part-time Secretaries or better yet, the Indiana "Well if you don't know I'm not gonna tell You".
3. And perhaps the easiest way to attract viewers to the WNBA, rename it "The Jersey Shore". Let Snookie run the point and "The Situation" stroll the sidelines. At every game they can set up spray tanning booths & pharmacists from Tiajuana can sell steroids at a fair price. At halftime, go grab some pasta with meat sauce! After the game is when the real event begins, because the lights go out and the whole arena becomes a fist pumping rave party. That's a sure fire winner!!
These ideas can't be any worse than "Juwanna Mann" was for your publicity. You're wecome WNBA, you're welcome.

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