Friday, March 12, 2010

Putting the "Pro" in "Procreation"....

This past week, the New York Jets strengthened their already powerful defense by trading for Chargers cornerback Antonio Cromartie. The real story is how they the Jets then fronted him $500,000 so he could pay child support for his 7 kids by 6 different women in 5 different states. Clearly, he kept himself busy during road trips. I get it dude, you travel to alot of different cities. Next time, pick up a shot glass & a t-shirt on your way out instead of making a baby you're never gonna see.
Now his story is just one in a long line of professional athletes who are having enough kids to fill up every position on a baseball field. Former Running back Travis Henry-9 kids by 9 women. That's the worst case of ADD I've ever seen! Now I completely understand why he was arrested 2 years ago for drug trafficking, he was merely trying to afford all the "baby on board" stickers for the windowns of his Chevy AstroVan.
A surprising example: Evander " The Real Deal" Holyfield-9 illiigitimate kids & a wife who just accused him of assault. Right now he wishes that his biggest problem was Mike Tyson biting his ear off.
But my favorite fertile athlete of all time: Shawn Kemp. When he faded away from the NBA amid drug & alcohol problems, he was at 7 kids by 5 women. It's now rumored that he's up to 11 kids by 9 women. And I always wondered why his nickname was the Reign Man.
Bottom line is, something has to be done. These guys aren't taking responsibility, so it's time for drastic measures. Quasto suggests a "3 Strikes Rule". That's right, once a professional athlete spawns his 3rd illigitimate child, they will undergo a league mandated vasectomy. If any athletes think that's harsh, then stop dropping your pants all over the country 'cause we got Bob Barker on speed dial & he knows where to get ya neutered! Get your act together deadbeat athletes, or there's gonna be a snippin' at your conjunction junction.


  1. u r a renaissance man, jonny!

  2. 9 wives and 9 kids= worst case of ADD, omg that's hilarious!

    Happy Bloggin